“Fear is the mind killer.”
This article was originally written on January 4th of this year (2021). Use that context as you wish.
“𝓕𝓮𝓪𝓻 𝓲𝓼 𝓽𝓱𝓮 𝓶𝓲𝓷𝓭 𝓴𝓲𝓵𝓵𝓮𝓻.”
-𝘿𝙪𝙣𝙚
Sadly, it’s never been easier to spot the fear-based humans of the world than it was in 2020. I had honed the skill pretty well prior—understanding what drives a person is useful in determining how you interact with them and what expectations you have—but now people wear their fear in plain sight. Honestly, I think they always did. We just had to look a little harder than we do today.
Once you know what to look for, it becomes very apparent the people whose lives are fueled by fear, and the ones who are not. It drives their life decisions, daily interactions and world view. Fear is the energetic opposite of freedom. In order to be free, you must confront and release fear. For those that are driven by fear, freedom is terrifying.
The reptile brain—fear—is the death of logic. When fear is driving nothing else matters. People will believe in anything that they think justifies or alleviates their fear. They will give up nearly anything to feel safe. Even if only for a fleeting moment or an illusion altogether. People gripped by fear cannot be reasoned with.
Fear is unsurprisingly the backbone of today’s politics. It’s the driving force. Not only are the usual fears preyed upon, but freedom itself has become a source of fear. Freedom carries with it unpredictability of outcome. The fearful don’t like that. They want to believe that they know how the story is going to go. And if they don’t know this, they want someone else to tell them. Fear of the unknown always drives the promises of security within the cage.
Fear and freedom are both compounding energies. The more one is afraid, the more things they will find to be afraid of. The longer the monster under the bed goes left unaddressed, the bigger and more vicious it becomes. Not only that, but suddenly there’s a new monster in the closest as well. To the same, the more one embraces freedom, the less things one finds to be afraid of. Each time we conquer fear, the rewards extend beyond the specific fear we overcome but to a subconscious level. We find peace and calm. When things go wrong, we learn to handle it better. We think logically during a crisis rather than allowing the reptile brain to take over. We are able to balance caution with discernment to consider that what lies ahead in our path could indeed be a snake, or it could also be a rope.
I do not pass judgement on those that are fear based. I can observe it, but I know that I cannot fully comprehend their prison. Many people who I love very much are deeply motivated by fear. Far more human beings in this world are afraid than who are free.
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However, I have been pondering the subject as of late. Both in external observation—the current world, my acquaintances, my social circle, and my loved ones—as well as internally; my own relationship with fear.
I am realizing that I have been at war with fear since I was very young. I think that I have always hoped to be brave. I know that I have always wanted to be free. In my youth this frequently manifested as recklessness. I did a lot of daredevil things. In particular climbing and jumping in and from high places (if you hiked or climbed with me in my 20s you know EXACTLY what I’m talking about). Many other dangerous activities as well. No doubt much of this was as an attempt to get attention. Still more was hubris. I’ve owned this. But now that I’m older, I’m giving my younger self more grace. More grace and perhaps even a nod of approval.
Aside from the ego, much of what I did stemmed from a desire to conquer fear. I didn’t like feeling afraid. I wanted to teach myself to be brave. If I was scared of something, I tried to do it. And I liked the way I felt after. When I free-climbed something that I absolutely should have used a rope for—and made it—the rush was exhilarating. The more I confronted fear, the less things I felt afraid of. I did some dumb and reckless stuff, and I’m grateful to God that I wasn’t mangled or killed. Now that I’m older, and more conscious and intentional in my practices, I see that what I was doing had a point. I was sowing the seeds.
My confrontations with fear weren’t limited to just dangerous physical activities. It was in all parts of my life…
I moved to Los Angeles having never been there, knowing no one, with a few thousand dollars and no prospects to live with a roommate I had found on Craigslist. I was super scared. But I made myself get in the car and drive anyway.
Women. Oh man, speaking of a terrifying subject…
As those of you who have real miles on the road with me know… My dating life as a youth was a disaster. I was terrible with girls. But I almost always made myself go talk to them. I approached hundreds of women who didn’t give me the time of day. I also chickened out countless times. I remember being at bars, having only slept with a couple women and having no idea what I was doing, hitting on the prettiest girl in the place. Sometimes they were so out of my league they’d just politely laugh me off. Other times, the rejection was intentionally brutal. It wasn’t fun, and I wasn’t one of those types who masochistically got off on it. It hurt, but I didn’t die. So I kept going back for more.
I think even young I knew that I’d eventually get it. And more importantly, I knew that I had to overcome the fear or I would NEVER get it. And I was right. Like all things you practice, I eventually got better. The conversation came easier. I started to develop real confidence rather than just projecting fake confidence. I am by no means a bullet proof, social savant—I still experience fear of rejection and within many aspects of interpersonal dynamics—but mostly that part of me runs on autopilot now. And all because young Daniel had big plans and knew that where he was going, he was going to have to be able to talk to a beautiful woman without immediately breaking into a sweat.
As I said, I have been very hard on my younger self over the years. I have been taken to task for my hubris, confronted my ego, and spent many years reprogramming toxic patterns. I have felt great remorse for the things I did wrong and the time I wasted when I was young. Now though, I am seeing my younger self with a bit of humble admiration. Even then, lost as I was, I refused to be driven by fear. I always sought to be brave. I’m grateful to my younger iterations for that, because it built the foundation for who I am today and has paid dividends a thousandfold.
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I still deal with fear, and thus I still seek out fears to conquer. But it is no longer for the daredevil’s accolades. I was recently thinking back to the time in Brazil a couple years ago when I waded out into the ocean on a black and starless night...
...while on a heavy dose of LSD.
(Yes, that happened.)
Why did I do it?
It wasn’t for the applause—I haven’t told but a few people until now.
It wasn’t to impress girls—my wife was the only other human who knew where I was and even she thought (thinks) I’m a maniac and had gone back to the lodge long prior.
It wasn’t because it was fun—because it certainly wasn’t.
It was to battle fear.
Because I knew that if I could wade out into the ocean… From the small beach of a deep cove… On a dark night… Completely alone, with no lights…. And stand there, in the ocean in black water, with no stars overhead, and feel the hot humid night, hear the sounds of the jungle pressed against my back and feel the ocean that I couldn’t see…
…all while being in a physically and psychologically heightened state (psychedelics can make even the littlest things scary)…
Well, I knew that if I could do that I could learn to be just a little bit more brave.
So I did it.
I doubled down and walked a quarter mile farther down the beach, through a jungle trail until I was on the other side of the cove’s peninsula and I could no longer even see the friendly lights of a local’s hut…
And then I walked out into the water.
Then I stood there. Still. Chest deep in the ocean. In the dark, off the shore of a remote island in Brazil, thousands of miles from home, and I faced as many fears as I could.
I made it ten minutes in the water.
I then won another small victory when I forced myself to walk slowly and calmly back to the lodge though the LSD was playing tricks on my vision and the jungle bent inward at impossible angles and looked as though it would swallow me whole. My heart was pounding and every fiber in my body wanted to run—but I reached inward for calm, for acceptance, and I hung in there.
I did that for the best kind of selfish reason. I know that my life is better when I am not fearful, and I want a great life. I knew that if I could make it through that challenge, I would hone the edge of a calm mind. That I would nurture serenity within chaos. Find more inner peace. The more fear I face, the freer my life becomes.
This is true for me, and it is true for all.
Lest anyone take this the wrong way, I am no master. Far from it. I am not a fear-based person, but I have many things I am afraid of.
I can be a weak and petty little creature, fearful of so many things. Again and again I’m smacked in the mouth and humbled by them. But I keep getting back up. I’m a floundering little Padawan who drops his lightsaber over and over—and often doubts if he is even worthy of training at the Temple—but he wants to be a Jedi. He’ll settle for no less.
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The sad truth is the world is designed for those who live in fear. It is not trending towards freedom, as those of us who desire it are few and far between. We can’t do anything about that. This has been one of my hard lessons in the last few years. I spend a lot of time fearing what the fear-based people of the world will do to my life. This is valid. I can see the societal prison and the road to ruin their fear is creating.
Thus, my challenge becomes seeing and acknowledging the threat, without letting its existence control me. Addressing it with rational objectivity, rather than my reptile brain. Focusing on what I can control and surrendering to what I cannot. This is very hard. The journey has had many setbacks, many bouts of anger and doubt, but I refuse to let the actions and the fears of others poison my life.
The topic of fear is incredibly important and complex. Fear is one of the most dominant forces in existence. It’s one I encourage you to think about. How much of your life is dictated by fear?
Fear is the monster under the bed. In order to first determine what we are up against, we have to be willing to shine a light into the dark places. Often, we find that what we heard growling wasn’t nearly so mighty. Often, we find it didn’t even exist at all. And even when there is a monster to be faced, it is always better to see what you are fighting.
We’ll end today’s thoughts on the topic where we started. With the famous line from Frank Herbert’s 𝘿𝙪𝙣𝙚...
“I must not fear. Fear is the mind-killer. Fear is the little-death that brings total obliteration. I will face my fear. I will permit it to pass over me and through me. And when it has gone past I will turn the inner eye to see its path. Where the fear has gone there will be nothing. Only I will remain.”