When Glamorous Party Girls Get Pregnant
The journey of pregnancy is a unique and transformative experience for all those who participate in it. No matter how many pregnancies you’ve witnessed or how comfortable you are around children, you can’t quite be prepared for how magical and bizarre it is when it’s happening to your partner. But it’s especially amusing when the person growing in pregnancy is a glamorous party girl who appears, on the outside, to be the antithesis of what we traditionally think of as a Mom.
As far as we’ve come with reworking stereotypes and societal norms, we still have an initial image in our mind of what a MOTHER is. Unless you’re lying, I’d bet it doesn’t look like the girls dancing on Robot Heart (a famous Burning Man art car), or lounging in designer bikinis drinking $18 dollar glasses of rosé by the pool at The Standard. Trust me, I’ve dedicated my life to breaking those norms and that is NOT automatically what I think of either.
All the same, we know those girls have kids, too. Sure, I’ve known that models and Hollywood “It Girls” became Moms, but I didn’t witness it directly. I have observed a lot of pregnancies and Moms—and each and every one has been beautiful and unique—but those women, to some degree or another, fit more of the traditional archetype.
(Which in and of itself is deceiving, because there are many women who may “look like” Moms but are terrible mothers, while there are also many women who don’t “fit the mold,” but are actually great ones. We all know this. But that’s not what this essay is about, damnit!)
Aziza—who is very pregnant—is NOT one of those archetypal Moms, Despite her sweetness, brains, and approachability, she is absolutely one of those alluring scene babes who looks, from afar, like she couldn’t possibly be bothered to get pregnant when there’s just so many parties to attend, international beaches to see, and “the Coachella lineup is fire this year.”
(Burning Man, 2017)
She loves to travel, has been raving for ten years, loves style and fashion, and is always (and I mean, ALWAYS) planning the next party or vacation. My writing this will no doubt embarrass her, but she is definitely that girl.
So watching her be pregnant…
…has been hilarious.
And such a mind f*ck. I’m used to watching her put pasties on before a party—now I walk in and she’s rubbing lotion on a giant-ass belly. I’m used to her in teeny tiny outfits that cost waaaayyyy too much money—now her baggy “sleeping shirts” have turned into crop tops. I see her all the time and think, I’ve watched you dance on stage at festivals totally lit and somehow impossibly sexy; I’ve ridden bikes with you across the Nevada desert after a night of indescribable inter-dimensional exploration and hedonism; I’ve seen you order shots of tequila at 6AM in a warehouse after-party; I’ve turned around on the dance floor to see you randomly kissing some pretty girl and didn’t give it another thought because it’s just another random weekend and well, I want to dance. I’ve done all of this countless times… And now you hang out in your “pregnancy floatie” and fall asleep at 8:30pm.
(The “Pregnancy Floatie”)
I’m telling you guys, it’s such a trip!! And again, ALL PREGNANCIES are a trip. They are physical and spiritual life-altering changes. THE WOMAN IS LITERALLY MAKING A PERSON INSIDE OF HER! It is ever powerful when it’s someone you’re close to. For instance…
One of my little sisters is pregnant. Seeing a baby growing inside her is indescribable to anyone who has not had a sister have a baby. But what makes it profound is different. When I see my sister I think, I’m thirteen years older than you. I held YOU in my arms when you were a baby. I changed YOUR diapers and rocked you to sleep. I watched you take your first steps. Now you—WHO WILL ALWAYS BE A BABY TO ME GODDAMNIT—are growing a human of your own??!
That, my friends, is a trip. But my sister isn’t an Aziza. She’s very dynamic and lovely, but she’s a born mother. She’s wanted to have, like, six kids since she was fourteen. She cradles that baby belly with a gleeful smile and a look on her face that says, “Finally.”
What makes it a trip isn’t that she’s pregnant, it’s that she’s my little sister.
What makes it a trip with Aziza, however, is that she’s transitioning from one very well-defined role into another, just as well-defined, but dramatically contrasting one.
The weirdness is what makes it fun. I love contrast in life. I love the defined journey. I like when Point B looks a lot different than Point A. I love that less than a year ago she was raving in the desert in a tiny pink bikini with a parasol and dainty silver cowboy boots… And now she’s “the pregnant chick” at parties.
(I would make a joke about how she’s traded in the tiny bikinis…. But she definitely hasn’t.)
The internal transition has been equally beautiful to observe, though far more subtle. Despite her glamorous persona and fondness for a good party, I always knew Aziza would be a good mother. She’s intuitive and has a powerful grounding energy. Her maternal expression is very much there, it’s just thinly veiled under the surface. I am so excited to see it take center stage.
I already know how it will go…
Aziza will struggle in the first couple weeks. She likes to know how to do things, likes to know how to do them well, and almost always struggles with transitions in life. Even when it’s something she’s intentionally calling forth. For instance…
A trip to South America: She’s going to have a hard time with the humidity for the first two days, complain about it, but ultimately let her hair get curly and embrace it.
Burning Man (which she loves more than anything): She’ll struggle in the first 36 hours as she transitions from the responsibilities of the “Default World” to the unbridled joy and play of the Burn.
A new job: There will be multiple meltdowns about how it’s overwhelming and how “she’s never going to get it…” Then a few months later she’s fast, efficient, and indispensable.
And that’s how it will be with taking care of a newborn and parenting. The instincts, the love, the desire will all be there… All it will take is a little time for her to see how it works (caring for an infant) and to get into a flow and she will be a vision.
In the years ahead when she’s the superb, aspirational mother I have no doubt she will be, I will look at her changing diapers or calming a temper tantrum and I’ll think about the glamorous, naughty party girl folded inside the beautiful maternal being in front of me—and I’ll smile to myself. Life is a circle, but at its best it’s a circle filled with all the contrast that makes it so interesting.
Oh, and you have my word…
I won’t let that party girl disappear on us. Trust me, I’ve had waaaayyy too much (unprintable) fun with that girl to let that happen. I think watching her do and be both is going to be the best part yet.
†††
P.S. It doesn’t hurt that even pregnant she’s still super hot. It’s been so fun watching people’s pregnancy fetishes sneak out. I didn’t know how much of a thing that was!